A Different Kind of 2ww

So far, this 2ww hasn't been like any I've ever had. My boobs are usually sore from ovulation until AF (aunt flo). This time, they are not sore at all yet, and I'm at 8 dpo (days past ovulation). In fact, until yesterday, I hadn't had any symptoms at all. My husband thinks that my lack of symptoms might be a symptom of pregnancy.

At 7dpo yesterday, things changed a bit. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but this is messing with my head. Yesterday I was very emotional. I burst out in tears because my in-laws found out we are TTC. I cried on and off for about an hour, then I started crying all over again when my husband got home and I told him how I felt. I felt a few twinges near my pelvic bone yesterday, but I had that last month also.

The biggest change is that I started spotting last night, and again this morning. I have NEVER in my 9 months of TTC spotted halfway through the 2ww. I wonder if it was implantation bleeding, so this morning I tested and of course I got a BFN (big fat negative). Really? 8dpo? I've reached an all-time low. I realize the spotting doesn't necessarily mean anything, but now I have hope, which means I will be that much more disappointed if it doesn't happen for us this month.

Haiku Thursday

In honor of my friend Sulfa, I would like to begin "Haiku Thursdays."

When I was talking to my husband tonight about ladies I have met on TheBump.com message boards, I brought up Sulfa and her blog, and I showed him my last haiku for Haiku Thursday. Here is my TTC haiku for last Haiku Thursday:

Oh, red plastic cup
Frat party accessory
Now I pee in you

He was instantly like, I want to write one! So I put him to work, and this is what he came up with: (btw, I have EWCM and we just had sex)

(DH) I want to have sex.

(DH) Do you have fertile CM?

(Me) Yes I do. Let's go!

Hehe! I <3 MH...

My Ovaries and I are a Well-Oiled Machine

Remember that movie "Groundhog's Day?" Where Bill Murray keeps waking up and cycling through the same experiences over and over? Sure, he tries new things now and then, like taking a bath with a toaster, to see if he can change the course of things, but the next morning he wakes up and finds himself back at square one.

This is exactly how I feel after 8 months of trying to conceive. I add new techniques to the mix each month (PreSeed, Fertile CM supplements, green tea...), but each month I find myself back at the starting line, having to do it all over again.

My body is like clockwork, and at this point in my TTC process, my ovaries and I are working together like a well-oiled machine. Today is Cycle Day 14, and sure enough, just like last month, I have fertile cervical mucus and a positive ovulation test. My husband and I will baby dance for the next 3 days, and then my temperature will spike to show that I ovulated. My temps will float around for approximately 12 days and then come crashing down as my cycle comes to an end.

Here's a picture of today's positive ovulation test:

As annoying and repetitive as my cycles are, my time spent on the Bump message boards has taught me to appreciate that my body is working as it should be. I have heard so many stories of women who have unpredictable cycles or who aren't ovulating at all. I have learned that not everyone is as lucky as I am, and for that I am grateful.

Bible Study: Week 1

I have started reading the Bible (thanks to a great group of ladies on The Bump who have created an online weekly Bible study group). From time to time, I will post Bible-inspired insights and thoughts related to TTC.

This week we read the book of James. Something that stood out in my mind is James 4:3 (Chapter 4, Verse 3), which basically says that if you ask God for something but you're asking for selfish reasons, you won't get it.

This reminded me of something I heard in church a long time ago, when the preacher said that when my wants are aligned with God's wants, it will happen. He also said that the more you pray, the more your wants will align with what God wants for you, which means you will "get" more of your wants, because they are God's wants, too. I know I'm not explaining it well, but it really clicked with me at the time. I don't pray as often as I should, and I'm working on that.

Sometimes I think my reasons for having a baby are very selfish. I want one, I'm getting too old, people around me are having kids, I'm tired of working and I want to stay home, etc. I don't often stop and think if my timing is right for my baby. I'm really hoping to 1) stay motivated about reading the Bible, and 2) continue to gain new insights each week that I can apply to my life. I've started taking notes in a journal--sort of a personal Cliff's Notes version of the Bible for myself.

Another Two-Week Wait

I'm feeling strangely calm this cycle. I'd love to get pregnant this cycle, but I also feel like if it didn't happen this time, I'd be okay with it. Getting pregnant this cycle would mean that I would likely take the end of the school year off for maternity leave. While that sounds like a nice idea, it would probably be better to finish off the school year and have the baby in the summer.

Our goal is for me to be able to stay home after the baby is born and to not have to go back to work the following school year. My husband will be getting his M.B.A. next month, and hopefully he will get a higher paying job soon after that. We also have quite a lot of credit card debt at the moment, and I will not get another paycheck until October 1. I would like to get as much of that paid off as possible before the baby arrives.

But don't get me wrong, I would still love to get a BFP this cycle!

Top 10 Ways to Be Hated When TTC

I have spent a lot of time this summer on The Bump's forum board "Trying to Get Pregnant." Many ladies have come and gone in the time I've been trying to conceive. Some are more annoying and uninformed than others. If you are TTC, come join us on The Bump! But don't say any of these things:

Here are the Top 10 ways to be instantly hated by a group of women who are TTC:

10."My period is 15 minutes late…am I preggers???????????????"

9. "I’ve lurked here for YEARS, and I figured now is the perfect time for my first post. This morning I got a BFP!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEE!!! Hugs??" (The general rule of thumb is, if we don't know you, we don't care.)

8. "Newbies unite!!" ::carrying pitchforks::

7. "Apparently the only way to be cool here is to be infertile." (*Yes, someone said this in not so many words recently!)

6. "Does a faint line count?" (Um, hello? Read the directions on the box.)

5. "What’s your favorite color?"

*then post 5 minutes later* "Hey guys! What color do you like?"

*30 seconds later* "I SAID, What's your favorite color?...ANSWER ME!! Ohmigawd...you all are a bunch of b!tches."

4. "My sister's husband's best friend's wife had a cramp in her a$$ yesterday. Could she be pregnant? I told her I'd ask you guys. Thanks in advance!" (Do not tell us your symptoms or anyone else's symptoms and expect a diagnosis. Go pee on a stick.)

3. "How long did it take you all to get your BFPs? Can you all post a pic of your BFPs?? Congrats everyone on your BFPs!!!" (Some people have a hard time understanding that the board is for people TRYING to get pregnant. No joke.)

2. "Well, SOME of you have gotten BFPs because you have other kids already...couldn't just those people respond? The rest of you are just bitter anyways." ("intolerant of stupidity" is sometimes confused with "bitterness" on this board)

...........and the #1 way to be instantly hated on this board IS: ::drumroll::

1. "So far I’ve peed on 5 HPTs, 3OPKs, my BBT, and my dog Sammy…and they all say I’m not pregnant. But do you think they could be wrong? My boobs hurt. I’m probably totally preggo, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Thanks guys!"

Best Way to Get Pregnant?

Hubby and I are now in Cycle #5 of TTC. I most likely ovulated today, and we have tried a lot of new tactics this month. Here's a list of what we did this month to try to get pregnant. One of these has to work, right?

1. I charted my basal body temperature. As of this morning, my temp had not spiked. That means I did not ovulate yet, but it likely happened today.

2. I used PreSeed the last 3 times we dtd (did the deed). It's messy and a little invasive, but gets things moving along nicely, and I can see how it would help.

3. I listened a few times to a meditation cd I bought that is specifically for couples trying to conceive. It basically relaxes you and de-stresses you to increase your chances of conception. I am stressed out a lot, so I figured it couldn't hurt. It's actually a really good cd...The first half is a sort of hypnosis where the female doctor/therapist guides you to relax each part of your body. After this, I was so relaxed, I couldn't move if I tried. I even fell asleep the last time I listened to it. The second half of the cd is soothing nature sounds like quiet ocean sounds and such, and it claims to have subliminal "affirmations" embedded in it. I bought the cd here.

4. I used ovulation tests and we dtd two days before, the day of, and the day after the ovulation test was positive.

5. We propped my hips up after we dtd each of those 3 times. Not sure if this helps, but it couldn't hurt, right?

6. On the day of my positive O test, there was simultaneous O action...again, I figure this could only help.

On a side note, my husband bought a tent for a camping trip we are planning for our anniversary. He set it up yesterday in our living room. It ended up being a mini procreation vacation, as we camped out in our living room last night and dtd in the tent! It was a nice change from the regular bed routine--I highly recommend it! lol (My husband can't believe I'm divulging this much info, and he's laughing as I type!)

Trying to Be Patient

Another month has passed and still no luck with the babymaking. I only really had two days of symptoms this month: one day of extreme nausea and one day of extreme cramping & pinching. Both of these were in the week after I ovulated and they didn't seem to be related to anything else, so I thought maybe...

I haven't really been motivated to blog lately, but I have been keeping busy and I figure the stress I've been under this month means it wasn't good timing anyways. I've been hard at work on my website (http://www.mybabydust.com--check it out!) and have been putting off doctor and dentist visits that I should probably get taken care of before a baby comes along. And my husband and I really need to get into shape.

Next month I'm going to try BBT charting and PreSeed, in addition to my regular ovulation kit. I even bought a relaxation cd on BabyHopes.com that's especially made for conception! They really have everything on that site to help you conceive, and I could have spent so much more. I love that they even send you a free packet of baby dust with every order! Lol, can't wait to see what baby dust looks like...

Round 4 of TTC - Ovulation Day

I'm not feeling too good about my chances this month. Hubby and I BD'd (babydanced) on my first fertile day, but I've been in a slump for the last few days and there has been no romance and some tension between us. We finally talked things over today--mostly about my lack of motivation and his lack of effort in the lovemaking department. (Note to guys: Telling your wife "I'm going to play Call of Duty. Come get me when you're ready for bed" does NOT constitute foreplay!!)

The ovulation test I took yesterday looked almost positive, but not quite. So I thought I would ovulate on Saturday as expected, but today's ovulation test was a definite negative, so I'm thinking yesterday's was positive after all. Which means I probably ovulated today (a day earlier than expected). Luckily, after our talk tonight we determined that neither of us was "over it" for this month, so we DTD (did the deed) tonight. Hopefully it will be enough, but we're going to order Pre-Seed for next month if it doesn't happen. How cool would that be, though, to conceive on Mother's Day weekend?

Round 3 of TTC - Testing Day

Kudos to Tracy for keeping me on top of things with my blogging! Sometimes I forget people out there are actually reading this! I tested today (and yesterday, and the day before if we're being honest!) and got a BFN. I've been very tired and had a couple strange new pinching pangs in the last 2 days next to my belly button. But I've basically been getting new and unusual symptoms every month, so I've been trying not to think about it. I feel like I should be experiencing more symptoms if I was pregnant.

The wierd thing is that AF should be arriving either today or tomorrow, and I've had absolutely no AF symptoms either, which is unusual for me. So I really don't know what to make of this month. I will update again when I know for sure.

If I'm not pregnant this month, I was thinking I might try PreSeed for next month...does anyone have any experience (positive or negative) with that? I'd appreciate your advice!