Nicholas's Laugh Attack Video

I admit I have watched this video about a thousand times. It never fails to bring a smile to my face. I love this little guy so much!

14 Weeks

Nicholas had his 3 month check-up this week and was diagnosed with pink eye for the second time. His nasal congestion has never really gone away, and we still have to keep his mattress elevated and give him nose drops & suctioning, which he hates. Now we have to do the eye ointment again. I feel like a large part of the time I spend with him during the week consists of me torturing him with treatments that don't even seem to be helping.

On a happier note, Nicholas is obsessed with hands this week. He spends a lot of time looking at his hands and trying to stuff them into his mouth. He discovered my hand this week and he studied it for about 15 minutes straight, lol. So cute.

13 Weeks

I got tons of cute pictures this week! Here are some of my favorites:

Nicholas: 12 Weeks

This week I got a call from Nicholas's day care saying that he woke up with pink eye. His eye had so much gunk in it that it was crusted shut and they had to get it wet and pry it open. My poor little man. That phone call was at 10 am and I still had to teach until 3pm. Luckily, my in-laws were picking him up early anyway so I made an appointment for them to take him to the doctor. The doctor said the pink eye was caused by the congestion, and there's a chance that it will progress to an ear infection.

I feel so bad that my baby was sick and I couldn't be there for him. And if he wasn't in day care and I wasn't around a bunch of kids all day, he wouldn't be sick at all...so I can't help but feel guilty. My husband stayed home with him on Thursday since he was still contagious, but I kept him home on Friday and I stayed home with him just so I could spend some extra time with him.

I didn't take many pictures this week, but here's a funny stink face picture from Labor Day:

Nicholas: 11 weeks

Nicholas can now consistently find his hands, and he is starting to put blanket and other things in his mouth. He is very interested in exploring different textures with his lips and tongue. He is learning to suck his thumb, but he isn't great at it yet and he gets frustrated.

Nicholas has been very congested and he's been spitting up a lot lately. I just realized I have no earthly idea what to do with a sick baby. My husband ended up going to the store at 2am and bought saline nose drops and a humidifier. I hope they help and he doesn't get worse.





Watching the first USC game of the 2011 season:

Baby Blues are hitting hard a little late...

Well, we made it through our first week of full-time day care. I confess that I've cried every day this week, both after dropping him off AND in the evenings when I'm home with him.

I know he's probably just going through a phase, but I feel like this week he avoids looking at me, and when he does look at me he just won't smile. I can't help feeling like being away from him all day is destroying our bond. All summer, I was the first thing he saw when he woke up, and he would instantly smile when he saw me. Now I'm lucky to get a smile when I put him in his car seat, but that's the only time he really shows me that he recognizes me. To make matters worse, when my husband walks into the room, Nicholas immediately follows him with his eyes (something he used to do with me) and he smiles when my husband plays with him.

I can't stop these thoughts I have every day...I find it so disheartening that I am raising other people's children while strangers are raising my son. And as I do planning for the school year, I'm reminded of how much I have to teach and how long the school year is. Nicholas will be almost a year old when school is out and I'm able to spend all my time with him. I feel like there are so many milestones I might miss out on.

Nicholas has been sleeping in our bed quite a bit lately. This is partly because he sleeps better next to me (this is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes); partly because it's convenient to nurse him there in the middle of the night; and partly because I want to spend as much time with him as possible. So for now he sleeps the first stretch in his crib and then my husband brings him to me when he cries and he spends the rest of the night in our bed. I know it's taboo, but it's working for us. I just wish he would smile at me when he wakes up like he used to.

I keep reminding myself that it's possible that he doesn't look at me as much because he doesn't need to. I read on a forum on Circle of Moms that when babies feel safe with their moms they will spend more time looking around and less time looking at Mom. I know for a fact that his eyesight is getting much better, so I need to keep reminding myself that he knows I'm holding him and he feels secure enough to explore his surroundings. I also know that he can sense my mood, but it's really hard to fake happiness when I'm singing to him or playing with him and he just doesn't seem to care.

I knew starting day care would make me sad a lot. I'm not sure if this is actual PPD or if it will get better soon...but so far I'm not too hopeful.

**My husband found this post on Circle of Moms this morning and showed me. It helps a little to know that other moms experience periods of feeling like their babies don't recognize or love them. It's worth reading if you are experiencing similar feelings.